The “Happy Dog” Diet

We were at the supermarket the other day, buying dog food. As we were standing in the check out lane, a lady behind us who asked me if I had a dog (because why else would I be buying dog food, right?!)

PQ gave me her ‘Please don’t go there look’, but it was too late. Anyway, my inner demon woke up, so I told the lady that we don’t have a dog, but that I was planning on going on the “Happy Dog” diet. I explained to her that I was having some second thoughts about it, because the last time I had done it, I woke up in the hospital, but I was considering it anyway as I had lost over 40 pounds before I woke up in the ICU with all kinds of tubes sticking out of me. By now, PQ was giving me the ‘Stop it’ look.

I then explained to the lady how it works; you’ll fill your pockets with dog food, and every time you feel hungry, you take out a few pieces and eat them. I went on to explain the high nutritional value of the dog food, and that the kibbles don’t taste too bad. The whole line was listening carefully by then while PQ was slowly inching away from me.

The lady was looking at me wide-eyed and asked if I ended up in the hospital as a result of food poisoning from the dog food. I said, “No, I sniffed out a poodle in heat, and as I was running across the street, I got hit by a car.”

Keep your fork

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